Things change

It is said that there are many seasons of life. We are about to enter a new season, public school. *Gasp!* First let me say that I feel like a traitor and somewhat like a failure. I just had an article published that I had written for the local children's magazine "Peekaboo" about homeschooling and the very day it came out I enrolled Seth and Taylor in the local public school. I also feel like a traitor to my homeschooling friends and those to whom I've talked about homeschooling.

Homeschooling last year went pretty well. Seth liked doing workbooks and pretty much taught himself. Ethan was a baby and wasn't capable of getting into too much trouble. We had a good year. I feel like Seth is at a first grade level in most subjects. Earlier this summer I purchased the curriculum that we would use this coming year (yes, I need to sell it if you know of anyone who wants to buy curriculum let me know). We began in mid-July with Seth and Taylor. This particular curriculum is literature-based and doesn't have too many worbooks with it. Seth really didn't like it. Taylor did ok, but didn't understand a lot of it because it was really geared towards first and second grade but you *could* use it for kindergarten too. Meanwhile, Scott got grumpy because he was being left out even if I gave him "school" to do and Ethan got fussy and tried to rip out of our hands whatever we were doing. I was determined to make it work. I knew that I needed to give the curriculum a chance, but I was getting overwhelmed. It was so hard to balance school, therapy for Seth, cleaning, cooking, doctor appointments, and the litle ones. I was basically always on edge and stressed because I didn't get accomplished what I needed to.

Meanwhile, Josh saw what was going on and told me that he would support me no matter what I decided but he urged me to consider sending Seth and Taylor to public school this year. He told me that he wasn't saying I had to keep the kids in public school forever. He actually prefers that we homeschool them during the middle school years that were so hard for both of us. He even told me that next year we might try homeschooling again. He just wanted me to be less stressed and let them go to public school to learn the basics (I'm not good with teaching basics). I agonized over the decision. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was lazy. I felt guilty for even considering public school. But the more I thought about it, the more I prayed about it I felt God's soft voice telling me it was ok. Then I came across this on facebook. It is based on Luke 18:9-14 replacing the tax collector and the pharisee with 2 moms:

Oh Gracious Heavenly Father,
I want to thank you that you have made me different than the average mother.  I am so glad that I homeschool my 8 children with another one on the way.  We don't use birth control.   I am glad that I made the decision to breastfeed them all for an extended period of time and that we eat only homemade organic food; the food that You intended us all to eat.  God, I also only use natural fabrics in the clothing that I sew for my entire family.  And, God, I want you to know that I am a responsible mother and don't use a microwave and refuse to use any plastics that leak harmful chemical in our food. I am glad you made me because I am such a great help to my church; teaching the little ones, looking after the meal program and taking on the Christmas program for the past 6 years.  God, I know you'll bless the pet shelter and nursing home down the street because of our involvement there every Tuesday and Thursday from 9:30 to noon..  Yes, you have made me a wonderful mother indeed, which I (and my community) will be eternally grateful.  Amen.


 Hi God,
It's me again and I just don't know what to say.  The two jobs are running me ragged and we've made the decision to send our little one to full time day care and our older one is going to public school.  God, please bless our mac'n'cheese because I sure don't know if there is any nutritional value in there at all.  I need your help.  I can't even keep my house clean never mind volunteering anywhere!  We've missed the last few Sundays at church and I've missed the fellowship but most of all I've missed time to reflect on you.  I'm so sorry I haven't even read my Bible the last couple of days, it seem like my life is just running away with itself.   But God, I want you know that I love you, and I think of you all the time.  I want to do life right, but I need your help.  I've come to the realization again that I just can't do this life without you. I love you Lord, help me.  Amen

It was after reading that that I knew I wanted to be the first mom but it's ok to be the 2nd mom.

Taylor is very excited about starting kindergarten. She has lived in Seth's shadow for so long and I'm excited for her to make some new friends and to be in her own class. She is very active and school will hopefully help her to stay busy. Seth is doing wonderfully in his OT and I am confident that this year he will do better socially and that he is more ready to handle public school.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can concentrate on just being mommy instead of a teacher. I will be able to spend precious time with Scott and Ethan. I still strongly support homeschooling. I'm still willing to talk to people who are considering homeschooling. I hope to homeschool in the next few years. Maybe someday I can be supermom. But right now, I am simply human.