Things change

It is said that there are many seasons of life. We are about to enter a new season, public school. *Gasp!* First let me say that I feel like a traitor and somewhat like a failure. I just had an article published that I had written for the local children's magazine "Peekaboo" about homeschooling and the very day it came out I enrolled Seth and Taylor in the local public school. I also feel like a traitor to my homeschooling friends and those to whom I've talked about homeschooling.

Homeschooling last year went pretty well. Seth liked doing workbooks and pretty much taught himself. Ethan was a baby and wasn't capable of getting into too much trouble. We had a good year. I feel like Seth is at a first grade level in most subjects. Earlier this summer I purchased the curriculum that we would use this coming year (yes, I need to sell it if you know of anyone who wants to buy curriculum let me know). We began in mid-July with Seth and Taylor. This particular curriculum is literature-based and doesn't have too many worbooks with it. Seth really didn't like it. Taylor did ok, but didn't understand a lot of it because it was really geared towards first and second grade but you *could* use it for kindergarten too. Meanwhile, Scott got grumpy because he was being left out even if I gave him "school" to do and Ethan got fussy and tried to rip out of our hands whatever we were doing. I was determined to make it work. I knew that I needed to give the curriculum a chance, but I was getting overwhelmed. It was so hard to balance school, therapy for Seth, cleaning, cooking, doctor appointments, and the litle ones. I was basically always on edge and stressed because I didn't get accomplished what I needed to.

Meanwhile, Josh saw what was going on and told me that he would support me no matter what I decided but he urged me to consider sending Seth and Taylor to public school this year. He told me that he wasn't saying I had to keep the kids in public school forever. He actually prefers that we homeschool them during the middle school years that were so hard for both of us. He even told me that next year we might try homeschooling again. He just wanted me to be less stressed and let them go to public school to learn the basics (I'm not good with teaching basics). I agonized over the decision. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was lazy. I felt guilty for even considering public school. But the more I thought about it, the more I prayed about it I felt God's soft voice telling me it was ok. Then I came across this on facebook. It is based on Luke 18:9-14 replacing the tax collector and the pharisee with 2 moms:

Oh Gracious Heavenly Father,
I want to thank you that you have made me different than the average mother.  I am so glad that I homeschool my 8 children with another one on the way.  We don't use birth control.   I am glad that I made the decision to breastfeed them all for an extended period of time and that we eat only homemade organic food; the food that You intended us all to eat.  God, I also only use natural fabrics in the clothing that I sew for my entire family.  And, God, I want you to know that I am a responsible mother and don't use a microwave and refuse to use any plastics that leak harmful chemical in our food. I am glad you made me because I am such a great help to my church; teaching the little ones, looking after the meal program and taking on the Christmas program for the past 6 years.  God, I know you'll bless the pet shelter and nursing home down the street because of our involvement there every Tuesday and Thursday from 9:30 to noon..  Yes, you have made me a wonderful mother indeed, which I (and my community) will be eternally grateful.  Amen.


 Hi God,
It's me again and I just don't know what to say.  The two jobs are running me ragged and we've made the decision to send our little one to full time day care and our older one is going to public school.  God, please bless our mac'n'cheese because I sure don't know if there is any nutritional value in there at all.  I need your help.  I can't even keep my house clean never mind volunteering anywhere!  We've missed the last few Sundays at church and I've missed the fellowship but most of all I've missed time to reflect on you.  I'm so sorry I haven't even read my Bible the last couple of days, it seem like my life is just running away with itself.   But God, I want you know that I love you, and I think of you all the time.  I want to do life right, but I need your help.  I've come to the realization again that I just can't do this life without you. I love you Lord, help me.  Amen

It was after reading that that I knew I wanted to be the first mom but it's ok to be the 2nd mom.

Taylor is very excited about starting kindergarten. She has lived in Seth's shadow for so long and I'm excited for her to make some new friends and to be in her own class. She is very active and school will hopefully help her to stay busy. Seth is doing wonderfully in his OT and I am confident that this year he will do better socially and that he is more ready to handle public school.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can concentrate on just being mommy instead of a teacher. I will be able to spend precious time with Scott and Ethan. I still strongly support homeschooling. I'm still willing to talk to people who are considering homeschooling. I hope to homeschool in the next few years. Maybe someday I can be supermom. But right now, I am simply human.

Sensory Processing Disorder

I think I'll start this blog entry by explaning more about what's going on with Seth. He has always been very cautious and avoided things like getting messy or dirty, loud noises, and crowds. He doesn't like bouncy houses much. A few months ago we went to Jumpzone ( a place with big inflatables). He went up the ladder to the top of the slide and then proceeded to scream and cry because he was afraid to go down. He will not finger paint, get in the sandbox, or anything else where he might get messy. He also can't feed the cats their food because the smell of the catfood gets on his hands. When we go somewhere crowded he gets very anxious and we can't stay very long. He's also awkward socially. He usually watches a group of kids play but doesn't participate. He also has trouble making friends. While I was researching SPD, it was said that kids with SPD desperately want to participate in social activities but they can't. Playdates with Seth can only last an hour or two at most. Then he needs to be alone. Tags in his clothes bother him. He has a hard time giving people outside of his immediate family hugs. At church there is a little indoor playground. It took him 2 years to go down the slide there. He is also very sensitive to pain. When he falls and just gets a little bump or scratch he will cry for much longer than a normal kid would. He also says it hurts to get his fingernails and toenails clipped. In the past few months Seth has began to have breakdowns. We thought he was just being passive agressive or tired, but it's because he gets overwhelmed and doesn't know how to process all the stimulation.

He also needs a routine. When we go on vacation and we don't eat and go to bed at the same time we do at home, his behavior is affected. Usually after we return from a trip it takes a week for him to calm down.

The treatment for SPD is occupational therapy and a sensory diet (certain activities/objects like a weighted blanket can help). I have a few good friends who's children have SPD/aspergers who have really helped me along the way. I've always known something was "off" with Seth but I never knew what. They have given me support, helped educate me about SPD, and have done so much with helping me get him evaluated. They understand.

Seth is a sensory avoider, meaning he avoids activities that are very sensory oriented. Normal sensation from day to day living interrupts these children's functioning and makes it virtually impossible for them to learn or socialize appropriately. Many times these children have a low self-esteem because they think that nobody likes them and they have no friends. They also tend to be perfectionistic. When Seth makes even the smallest mistake while he's doing his schoolwork (something that only needs to be erased and fixed) many times he will throw his pencil, burst out into tears that he can't do anything and messed up, and then proceed to run to his room and cry in there for a long time. I don't know how to calm him down.

Through this process of learning about SPD, we have realized that Josh also has SPD. It really affected him as a child and he still has lasting effects. He has told me that going to the barn and getting dirty was very hard for him. When he was working outside in the rain, each raindrop felt like a needle on his skin. He hated anything that had to do with being upside down or with his feet off the ground. He remembers watching the kids on the playground and desperately wanting to play with them but he just couldn't. He talks about noises in crowded places being very, very loud. When he was a teenager, to cope he became very angry and did things like punch walls. To this day, he has a hard time being touched. He needs a lot of personal space. Even a hug from me, if not expected causes him to jump. He also has issues with self-esteem and thinking that nobody likes him.

I've been asked "isn't SPD just a quirk? Lots of kids have issues with things like tags on their clothes." The answer is that SPD isn't a quirk. It's a disorder in which a person can't process out the sensory input they are receiving. It becomes an issue when it affects their everyday life. Many people have certain "quirks" like food texture issues, but when a person has so many issues that it's affecting their everyday life then it's not just a quirk.

I've also been asked why Seth needs therapy. The argument is that he will learn to cope no matter what. Yes, he will learn to cope just like Josh learned to cope but he will have lasting effects from it. As you've read, Josh still has lasting negative effects because he didn't get help (mainly because it's such a new field of study).

I've also been asked "He can hear you talking about him to the pediatrician. He'll know something is wrong. He hears". Yes he hears. I struggled with how to tell Seth that something is wrong. Josh talked to me the other night and said "it would've really helped me if I knew what was wrong with me and didn't just think I was a loser. Just be honest with him.

A very good website to go to to learn more about SPD is: http://www.hartleysboys.com/p/favortie-blog-posts.html.

It's been very hard on me learning how to deal with this. Even though many kids with SPD are gifted and have academic abitilies above their age/grade level they still are considered special needs. Honestly, I didn't want to have a special needs child. I just want all my kids to be normal. As I watch him in social situations not acting like the other boys or just watching because he can't bring himself to participate make me sad and upset. Not knowing how to calm him down when he has a breakdown is heartbreaking. A mother's job is to comfort and sometimes I can't comfort him.

This brings me to the issue of schooling. I was planning on sending him back to public school next year. After finding out what is going on with him and realizing that those breakdowns when he got home from school earlier this year weren't normal I think it's best to keep him home. It hasn't been an easy decision but I think it's the right decision for us. I could send him to school, but he would have to have an IEP, and it's a bunch of red tape to get the school to agree to all of it, and I'd be taking him out of school for therapy, and you can't request certain teachers. Socially it will be very hard for him too. Josh was miserable in school. Sometimes even the lights bothered him.

So, hopefully you all undestand a bit more about what's going on with Seth and understand more about SPD.

A quick update

I know I haven't been very good at posting lately. There has been a lot going on lately.

On May 7, Ethan turned 1! I can't believe how fast the year has gone. Josh's mom came for the weekend. We always enjoy having her here. The kids have a great time with Gram. Then on Saturday, Josh's sister and her family came for Ethan's birthday party. It was a farm theme. The kids had a great time playing with their cousins Jayna and Joycie. Ethan stuck his finger in his birthday cupcake but didn't eat it. Ethan is also beginning to walk. He does this funny little walk on his knees. I can't really describle it. I think he walks that way so he can hold something in both hands and still get around. Here's the link to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRogrEgryb4&feature=player_detailpage

Mother's Day was nice. All four kids got dedicated at church. We had been between churches every other time there was a dedication or forgot to sign up. It was so special that all the kids got dedicated at the same time.

Recently, Seth has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (SPD, also called sensory integration dysfunction). For all of his life he has avoided certain things/activities that have to do with his senses. When he was a baby, when I changed his crib sheet (if it was a different sheet) he would touch it and cringe or jump and then cry because it was a different texture. When he was 2, I remember him not wanting to walk on grass or anything outside really. He's always been extra sensitive to noise. He hates loud noises, even noises that don't bother normal people. He's afraid of the vacuum. He's also a picky eater. He won't eat scrambled eggs, melted cheese, mashed potatoes, or anything with a real soft texture.
Here is a good short description of SPD: A. Jean Ayres, PhD likened SPD to "a neurological ‘traffic jam’ that prevents certain parts of the brain from receiving the information needed to interpret sensory information correctly." People with SPD have trouble functioning normally in social situations. Seth is usually awkward in social situations. He has trouble making friends. Playdates can only last an hour or two. Lately he has been having meltdowns. When he doesn't do something perfectly or something goes just a little bit wrong or I raise my voice he basically has a complete breakdown. I don't know how to handle it. I usually just have to leave him alone until he calms down.
SPD can be associated with Aspergers which is on the autism spectrum. We're not sure if he has Aspergers yet. The treatment for SPD is occupational therapy. Yesterday Seth had an evaluation with an occupational therapist. We should hear back in a few days what she thinks and how much therapy is needed. I will try to write another blog post just on SPD.

So that is a short update on what has been going on in our lives lately.

Vacation

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. Life has been very busy. We were all sick a few weeks ago and then I was getting ready for our family trip to visit my parents in Indianapolis. Packing for 6 people is not easy. Anyway, we got back this past weekend and had a wonderful time.

We decided to leave at midnight to drive to Indianapolis. The idea being that the kids would sleep most of the way and we would get there in the morning. All was good for the first 6 hours of the trip. The kids slept. Unfortunately they woke up at 5:30 and Scott proceeded to get car sick. The last 4 hours were very long.

We had a great week visiting my parents. My sister and her kids also live in Indianapolis so that made it extra fun. She has 3 kids, ages 11, 8, and almost 5. My kids and her kids got along great. Seth was so excited that his cousin Kael (8) loves legos just as much as he does, so they spent hours builiding lego creations and playing Wii. Taylor began to idolize her cousin Serae (11). She followed her around and did everything she did. It was really cute.

One of the highlights of the trip was being there as my best friend's little sister (who is like my little sister) got married. We got to go to the rehearsal dinner and then to the beautiful wedding. It was so refreshing seeing a young married couple. Their excitement was just wonderful! It made Josh and I reminisce about us when we were first married.

During the week we did several things. Monday and Wednesday we went to the Children's Museum. It's a good thing my parents have a membership. It is one of the highest if not the highest rated children's museum in the world. It is huge, with 5 floors packed with fun. The kids dig for dinosaur bones, visited Egypt, rode the carousel, saw several dinosaurs, went to the Dora and Diego exhibit, and many other fun activities. One of the highlights of the Children's Museum was seeing Bumblebee from the Transformers movie. I have to admit that even I was impressed.
Tuesday went rode the monorail. A monorail is a train-like car that runs on tracks pretty high above the road. My sister works at a hospital downtown and the monorail goes between 3 different hospitals, so it was a little strange riding between the hospitals but the kids loved it. They felt like they were on a real train. We also ate at McDonalds which was very exciting.
Wednesday night we celebrated my sister's birthday, my nephew's birthday, and Taylor's birthday. It was such a fun time.
Thursday Josh and my dad took the kids to the zoo while me, my mom, and my sister went shopping. The kids had a blast and Josh and my dad survived. It was so nice of Josh and my dad to take the kids so my mom, sister, and I could spend some time together.
Thursday night we left right at bedtime at 8:00. The kids slept the entire way home. However, Josh decided he could drive fast and got stopped 20 minutes into the trip. Fortunately, the policeman was very nice and took pity on us because we had such a long way to go.
We got home friday at 5:00 am. The kids went back to bed and slept until 9:00. We spent this weekend catching up and beginning to organize our house. We have too much stuff!!! I also planted my garden today. Hopefully it will grow.
Now I'm preparing for another week. I feel so refreshed and blessed. The vacation was just what we needed. I am so blessed. My husband, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends. Thank you Lord for all of your blessings. :)

My new business

I have officially become a "work-at-home-mom". I have started my own business with Arbonne International. I am an independent consultant. I have to admit, that I don't have any business experience, and I am a little nervous about actually talking to people, but I'm also excited. It's exciting to have something to do that doesn't have to do with the kids. I was thinking, maybe this is what I can do since I won't be homeschooling next year.

So you might be wondering how I got started. One of my friends from college also has her own business with Arbonne and called me a few weeks ago and asked me to try a sample. I fell in love with the product as soon as I used it. So she called me back and asked me how I liked my sample and told me a little bit about the company. At that point I was not really interested in starting my own business, but I really liked that all the products are natural. I thought about it over the next few days. I began researching other companies you can start your own business through, but I kept thinking about Arbonne as I knew what a great and stable company it is.

I didn't know what Josh would think, but finally I asked him about it. His answer was: 'I think that would be great!' So I called my friend back and now here I am.
So far I've just been going through the training, but I love it and I feel like I'm doing something productive. Late next week we get to go visit my parents in Indianapolis and I can't wait to share this with them and with my wonderfully supportive friends.

The decision

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. Things have been busy and I've been agonizing about what to do for school next year for Seth and Taylor. After many conversations with Josh and conversations with friends along with a lot of prayer, we've decided to send Seth and Taylor to public school next school year. Now, to all my homeschooling friends, before you start posting comments on my decision, it is my hope that I can homeschool again in a few years, I just don't feel like this is the right time. This decision was not made lightly and was extremely hard. Homeschooling is in my heart, I've wanted to homeschool since Seth was 2 years old. Seth is doing fine in homeschool now. However, at this stage in my life, I feel like I cannot give Seth and Taylor the attention that they need for me to homeschool effectively. Along with Seth and Taylor I have Scott, who decides to whine and fuss during school time and demand my attention, and then I have Ethan who I'm constantly chasing so he doesn't get into something he's not supposed to. He likes to pick microscopic pieces of paper and lint (and whatever else is small) off the floor and try to eat it. It doesn't matter if I've just swept or vacuumed, he'll find what I missed. I'm also not getting a lot of sleep because Ethan is still waking up in the night and doesn't nap well. Also, I've been a bit more stressed since I began homeschooling, although I think it was just because I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect teacher. I think that having Seth and Taylor in school to learn the basics and then to homeschool in a few years makes sense. Seth learned to write in school even though he already knew how to read. I feel like Taylor really needs the classroom experience and structure next year and will learn the basics of reading and writing at school. What I want to do in homeschool will be much more appropriate when they get a little older and I don't have to work around a baby and a toddler and nap schedules. I want to visit places like Washington D.C. I want to study advanced subjects and read great literature. I want them to pursue their own interests also. For now, though, I want them to have that classroom experience and to do all the fun things that you do in kindergarten and first grade. I need to concentrate on being a mommy to Scott and Ethan and to do things with them like take them to the park. I admit that part of me feels like a failure for sending them back next year. I know that lots of moms homeschool who have little children also. I feel selfish for wanting to spend that extra time with Scott and Ethan. Part of me feels like I failed Seth by taking him out of public school in the first place. However, I do also feel confident in my decision and am going to be involved in my children's education and make the most of the public school experience.

Blizzard

A few days ago we got an unexpected 20 inches of snow here. It was incredible! The snow was coming down at a rate of 3-4 inches per hour for several hours. Here are a few pictures: